‘The unhappiest people in the world are those who care most about what other people think. ’ — C JoyBell C
Comparisonitis: The fearful voice inside our head that says, ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘Why haven’t I done that yet?’, ‘I should be richer/healthier/fitter/happier’, ‘I’d look better if I lost weight’ and ‘If only I had that’.
Comparisonitis invades our thoughts and conversations. We, as a society, obsess over the things we don’t have and the things we think we should have. Next time you have a conversation, notice how often this comes up. It’s quite alarming when you realise just how much we compare ourselves to others and how this has become an acceptable part of our vernacular. As long as you are habitually comparing yourself to others, you will never feel you’re enough.
It can be really difficult to emancipate yourself from comparisons because they are everywhere you turn.
The character Tyler Durden (played by Brad Pitt) coined it perfectly in one of my favourite movies, Fight Club, when he said, ‘We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like’. Keeping up with the Joneses is a poisonous, self-destructive route because it leaves us wanting and spending above our means.
Comparisonitis only feeds our desire to prove that we are okay, that we are loveable and that we’re enough. It’s a nagging desire to satisfy the insatiable. Most humans care about what others think of them. Period. I believe this is a key driver behind why people take on too much debt – they’re taking on debt just to keep up with those who are already in it! Nothing is good enough, so we want more and more until it starts to affect our health and well-being.
Marketers and retailers make a fortune tapping into these insecurities. So be honest with yourself. If you’re unable to resist these forces, then avoid reading magazines or going to department stores!
I talk to my clients about choices – choices around their spending, their savings, their lifestyle and their future.
A choice is not a decision. A decision is driven by needs and problems and usually involves picking an option after ruling out all other possibilities.
A choice is when you get to pick from all the options in front of you. It is driven by passion and freedom.
I believe choice comes from empowerment and decision comes from fear. To choose is a far more powerful way to find a clear path that is aligned with what’s important to you.
Steps leading to choice:
- Confirm that it’s aligned with your purpose.
- Do your research and be informed of your choices.
- Envision each choice and want it.
- Take action. What is the outcome you want for each action taken?
- There are no mistakes just right or wrong choices. Take responsibility.
Every choice you make has a consequence. When you choose a behaviour or thought, you also choose the consequences that come with it. If you choose to live in debt and spend more than you earn, then you choose not to be financially secure. If you choose to save money to fund a long-term goal, then you chose to modify the way you spend to afford it. Many people make excuses like ‘I don’t have time’ because they think it relinquishes their personal responsibility. But not making time is still a choice. And the consequences are often not desirable.
When you start choosing behaviour and thoughts that truly empower you – which takes a lot of discipline – you’ll also get the consequences you chose for your life.
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